


I’m Cupid, Stupid

by OIKAWAHAJIME13



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, Iwaizumi is Cupid’s husband, M/M, Marriage Counseling, Mutual Pining, Romance, Shenanigans, Valentine's Day Fluff, oikawa is cupid, suga is a cop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29251764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OIKAWAHAJIME13/pseuds/OIKAWAHAJIME13
Summary: Oikawa Tooru (aka Cupid) and Iwaizumi Hajime (his loving husband) are tasked with getting four couples together this February. Needless to say, things do not always go to plan in the game of love.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 10
Kudos: 118





	1. Stupid Cupid and His Husband

The duo appears in the empty building in a golden FLASH. 

“Why is it always a dirty, abandoned building? Why can’t it ever be move in ready?” Iwaizumi asks, scuffing the dirty floor with his shoe. 

“Iwa-chan, a little hard work never hurt anyone.” 

“Lies. I always end up setting up the office while you look through the files. Can you please just do the magic snap thing and clean this place up?” 

“No can do, dearest Iwa,” Oikawa says, snapping a table into existence so he can spread out his files to prepare for the four couples he will be making fall in love this year. He ignores Iwaizumi's shout of protest at the use of magic.. 

“Snap me a chair, at least,” Iwaizumi whines, hopping up onto the table. 

Oikawa grins, “No, I don’t think I will. You can just sit there and look pretty for me.” 

“Don’t be an ass. Who do we have this year?”

“Four couples…Ooohhhh it looks like we have childhood friends to pining souls and possibly an enemy to lovers outcome. I do so love the drama,” Oikawa says, opening each file. 

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes at his husband’s utter glee. After so many lifetimes together, one would think he’d be used to it by now. Not wanting to argue, he goes with, “Tell me about the first couple.” 

Oikawa passes the file to Iwaizumi, reciting, “Hanamaki Takahiro and Matsukawa Issei, best friends throughout school. They both crushed on each other in high school but distance has dampened their bond. Matsukawa works at a funeral home. *Shudder* and Hanamaki appears to be in between jobs and couch surfing.”

“So what’s your plan?”

“I’m thinking employment agency that gets him a job at the coffee shop next to the funeral home. Closer distance means more interactions to fall in love.”

“What’s my part?” 

“Dear husband, you are going to have a relative mysteriously die and you’ll make friends with Matsukawa. I’ll send Hanamaki an email inviting him to a faux interview and ‘find’ him a job. Then we let nature take its course,” Oikawa says writing down the different steps of the plan on the whiteboard he’d snapped into existence. 

A noise of dissent leaves Iwaizumi’s mouth causing Oikawa to glance up sharply. 

“Yes, Iwaizumi? Do you have something to add?” he asks acerbically. 

A shrug is the responding answer, “It seems pretty basic. How do you know it will work?” 

“My dearest Iwaizumi, you should know better than to doubt me. I am Oikawa Tooru AKA Cupid and I have yet to fail in nearly 5000 years of match making. This is my holiday and love /will/ win.” 


	2. The Creeper Punch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here’s how Oikawa (Cupid) and Iwaizumi (his loving husband) help Hanamaki and Matsukawa confess their feelings for each other.

“A lifetime ban?” Oikawa asks, spinning in his chair to face his husband, “how the hell did you get a lifetime ban from a funeral home?”

Iwaizumi has the decency to look ashamed, “well, I kept messing up the person who died...and I’m pretty sure Matsukawa thinks I’m either a serial killer or a weirdo that likes to hit on people in funeral homes. I’ve failed you, Cupid.” 

“I know you’re mocking me with the Cupid thing. Start from the beginning.” 

** flashback to 45 minutes ago***

The bell on the door rings with a Wah-wash-WAAAHHHH as Iwaizumi walks into the funeral home. It’s a bit cheeky and makes him laugh. His target is sitting at a desk in the lobby, typing away on a computer. 

Matsukawa looks up as Iwaizumi approaches and offers a slight smile, “Hello, how can I help you today?” 

“My mom died yesterday and I’m looking for something to put her in,” Iwaizumi says, waving vaguely at the row of caskets at the other end of the hall. 

“Well, that’s certainly one way to put it. How tall was your loved one?” 

“My dad was 165 cm.” 

“Didn’t you say your mother passed on?” 

“No, I’m pretty sure it was my dad.”

Matsukawa is staring at him now, “Are you not sure which of your parents died?” 

Shit. He tries to remember which parent he started with, was it his mom? Yes! Mom. 

“It was definitely my mother who died.” 

“What the hell, man? Are you just here to mess with me?” Matsukawa snaps, turning around and heading back to the desk. 

Iwaizumi follows him, “No, please! I really need your help.”

“Help is something you absolutely need,” Matsukawa mutters under his breath. 

“I promise I’m not a freak. I just need to be your friend!” 

That was apparently the wrong thing to say as Iwaizumi found himself frog marched out the door with Matsukawa yelling out, “You’ve got a lifetime ban, man. Don’t ever come back here.”

What Iwaizumi failed to notice was Matsukawa pulling out his phone and texting Hiro for the first time in months about the crazy stranger. 

——————

“Hajime, you’ve been married to me for over 2,000 years. How are you still so /bad/ at this?” Oikawa laughs. 

Iwaizumi laughs a little at the ridiculousness of the whole situation, “Fuck if I know. I just panicked and forgot the plan completely.” 

Oikawa walks over to the whiteboard where their plan is outlined and marks a big red X thru Iwaizumi-Matsukawa friendship. 

“How’d it go with Hanamaki today?” Iwaizumi asks as he sits in the office chair, patting his lap for Oikawa to sit on. 

“Well...not great, if I’m being honest,” Oikawa says, snuggling in. 

*flashback to 3 hours ago* 

“Hello, The Good Place Job Agency where everything is fine!” Oikawa chirps into the phone. He already knows who is on the other line as only one person has this number. 

“Uh hey, so I got an email from you offering a free job placement consultation.” 

Bingo. 

“Ah, yes! My name is Oikawa Tooru and I am here to help you find happiness. Can I schedule a time for you to come in?” 

“Nah, I’m pretty good right now. Thanks for the offer though.” 

And Hanamaki hangs up. 

Oikawa just stares at the phone. No one had hung up on him before. 

————-

“Stop laughing, Iwa-chan, I was counting on you to save the plan,” Oikawa wails, pressing his head into the crook of Iwaizumi’s neck. 

“C’mon, let’s go get some dinner and then we’ll come back and build a new plan,” Iwaizumi chuckles. 

Iwaizumi pushes Oikawa off his lap, standing up and holding out his hand. With a sigh, Oikawa grabs on, interlacing their fingers, allowing himself to be pulled out of the office. 

Snow falls gently from the sky coating everything is brilliant white. The only sounds are the crunching of their feet as they stroll down the sidewalk. It beauti- 

“Oh shit.” 

And then they are a pile of limbs on the ground. 

“This town sucks and I hate it!” Oikawa seethes, rolling off of Iwaizumi who had taken the brunt of the impact. 

“Oh my god, I think you broke my rib,” Iwaizumi wheezes on the ground.

With a snort, Oikawa pulls Iwaizumi to his feet, “You are immortal, Hajime. You’ll be fine.” 

“Hey, are you two okay?” A voice calls out. A pink haired stranger walks carefully towards them. A very familiar pink haired stranger-one Hanamaki Takahiro. 

Iwaizumi shoots Oikawa a look of surprise and Oikawa smirks back, “maybe I’ll give this place a second chance.” 

“That was a nasty fall,” Hanamaki says when he finally gets to them, “these sidewalks are pretty treacherous with fresh snow. I’m Hanamaki.” 

He holds out a gloved hand that Oikawa readily shakes, “Hi, I’m Oikawa Tooru and this is my husband, Iwa-Chan.” 

“Iwaizumi Hajime,” he says, shaking the outstretched hand. 

“So are you two new in town? I haven’t seen you around here before.” 

“We’re on a second honeymoon of sorts,” Oikawa replies. 

“Ahh, well enjoy the town!” Hanamaki says.

Then they all start walking the same direction. Awkward laughs all around before Hanamaki asks, “you guys have dinner plans? I’m meeting a friend at the diner just ahead. Want to join us?” 

Oikawa and Iwaizumi exchange looks before shrugging. 

“Sure, lead the way, Makki,” Oikawa says, as they walk a little more carefully down the sidewalk. 

5 minutes later, they arrive at the diner. And there waiting is Matsukawa, who sees Iwaizumi and stands up. 

“I don’t know what kind of joke this is but leave me

alone,” he says in a deathly quiet, horribly terrifying tone. 

Hanamaki’s friendly demeanor drops instantly. 

“This is the coffin creep?” He asks Matsukawa, jerking a thumb towards Iwaizumi. 

“Yeah, that’s him.”

Hanamaki turns toward Iwaizumi sizing him up, “You made my friend feel uncomfortable so I’m going to have to punch you in the face.” 

Resigning himself to the realization that this must happen, Iwaizumi turns to the left and points to his jaw, “Yeah, I deserve it. Hit me right here, please.” 

Oikawa watches the whole exchange with fascinated horror. His poor husband is always taking one for the team. There is absolutely no hope for saving this plan so he looks Matsukawa in the eye and turns on his Cupid Arrow smolder 💘💘💘💘

Hanamaki hits Iwaizumi in the indicated spot and his husband drops to one knee with a loud “fucking hell.” The swear breaks Oikawa’s and Matsukawa eye contact but the magical persuasion has already taken root. 

“Hiro,” Matsukawa beams, “did you really just do that for me?” 

Hanamaki shakes his hand out, “Yeah, Issei, I’ve always got your back.” 

“Will you go on a date with me?” 

The question startles 3 of them. Oikawa’s just smirking knowingly. 

“Um yeah, sure,” Hanamaki says, blushing red. 

Oikawa and Iwaizumi quickly make their escape out the front door of the diner, watching the couple sit down and stare at each other, hearts in their eyes.

“Hey stupid Cupid, you couldn’t have used the arrow before I got punched?” gripes Iwaizumi, rubbing his jaw. 

Oikawa leans over to kiss him on the cheek, “it was the distraction I needed to send it.” 

“I still think it’s cheating.” 

“Iwa-chan, all I made him do was say what he was thinking, the minimal use of manipulation.” 

“Fine. But no magic for the next one. Bokuto and Akaashi need to realize their feelings on their own.” 

“Deal. Now let’s get you home, mi amor. You’ve had a hard night.” 


	3. The Substitute Schemer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa (Cupid) and Iwaizumi (his loving husband) scheme to get Bokuto and Akaashi to confess their true feelings for each other.

The smiling man with silver hair and dyed black tips is mocking Oikawa. The picture is taped to the whiteboard mocking him. Bokuto Koutarou, former professional volleyball player turned volleyball coach. He got the job due to knowing an English teacher at the high school who happened to be the volleyball club advisor, Akaashi Keiji. 

Honest to Jupiter, Oikawa had no idea why these two weren’t together already. It was obvious to literally every person in the world that they liked each other. At one point they had been roommates! And nothing. Nada. Zilch. No kisses, no sexy times, no nada. 

So how do you help someone who has buried their feelings so deep into their innermost self that they can’t see what is literally right in front of them. 

A frustrated groan leaves Oikawa causing Iwaizumi to look up from his phone. 

“You okay, babe?” He asks. 

“They should be together,” Oikawa states, “so why aren’t they together?” 

Iwaizumi shrugs, “Best friends are usually the last ones to think that the other might actually like them or they don’t want to possibly ruin what they have so they live in fear for the rest of their lives.” 

“Iwa-chan, who knew you were so insightful?” 

Shrugging, Iwa replies, “I’ve managed to pick up a thing or two from you over the last 2000 years. So, what’s the plan, Cupid?” 

His husband’s complete trust in him always manages to take Oikawa’s breath away. This former human who fell in love with a god, agreed to leave mortality behind and has stuck up his side for 2,000 years. This is why he agrees to take on these helpless missions of love in the lead up to Valentine’s Day. Cupid is happy and he just wants others to experience the utter bliss of love and knowing that you are loved in return. 

“What do you think the plan should be, mi amor?” Oikawa asks Iwaizumi who looks up surprised. Oikawa is usually the planner and Iwaizumi just helps when he’s needed. 

“Me? You want me to plan something?” 

“Yes, mi amor. My last plan wasn’t great, so I am humbly asking for the Great Iwaizumi’s help to plan our next mission.” 

“You’re such a shit head sometimes, Tooru. Why can’t you just ask nicely?” Iwaizumi gripes as he stands and comes over to stand by the whiteboard. 

“I’m Cupid, stupid. It’s not in my nature to be humble.” 

“Mmmm, I can agree with that. Okay so they both work at a high school. Akaashi is the English teacher and Bokuto is the volleyball coach. They interact on a daily basis, live in the same apartment building and have basically built a nice safe life for themselves of being together without the intimacy of being together. Let’s disrupt their complacency.” 

Oikawa grins, “Iwa-chan, your mind is very devious sometimes.” 

A feral grin is returned, “Oh just wait, husband of mine. This is going to be a doozy of a week for our childhood friends.” 

Cupid and his husband spend the next hour mapping out how to make Akaashi and Bokuto life's a living hell for the next week in an attempt to destroy the safety bubble they’ve wrapped themselves in. 

The plan begins on Sunday afternoon at 3pm outside the FairPoint apartment complex. The pest control van is an eye sore, but it garners the attention of every single resident including their target for today. 

“Excuse us,” Oikawa says to the crowd of waiting people, “we have been called in to inspect apartment 4F. Is the tenant of 4F here?”

“I’m in 4F.” 

Bokuto Koutarou steps forward eyeing them warily. 

“Ah, yes. We’ve been asked by management to inspect your apartment for mold and pests. If we find something, we will need you to move out for the week so we can exterminate every living thing in there. Do you have a place you can stay?” Oikawa asks, noticing Akaashi coming up to stand by Bokuto. 

“Bokuto-san, what’s going on?” Akaashi asks, noticing his friend’s distress. 

“Just an inspection,” Oikawa waves his hands around in a ‘no big deal’ movement. 

“Kaashi, I might have to leave the apartment for a week.” 

Akaashi glares at Oikawa and the bug van, “don’t worry, Koutarou, you can stay with me if they find something in your apartment.” 

“Are you sure?”

“It’s no imposition. Now, let’s go gather a few things just in case they find something. It’s best to be prepared,” Akaashi says, guiding Bokuto back into the apartment complex. 

Iwaizumi comes to stand by Oikawa who grins. 

“That was easier than expected,” Iwaizumi mutters quietly as there are still people milling about. 

Oikawa laughs, “I’m about to earn an Oscar for Best Actor, dear husband. Watch me find every single non-existent bug in Bokuto’s apartment.” 

“Just don’t overdo it, please. Akaashi is already suspicious.” 

____ 

Oikawa very much overdoes it. Bokuto ends up shaking in fear at the hellhole of an apartment that he had supposedly been living in for the last two years. 

“Is this a fucking joke?” Akaashi sneers at the two pest controllers. 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa exchange glances, iwaizumi’s more of a glare than a glance. 

Iwaizumi asks, “Excuse me?” 

“I said, is this a fucking joke?” 

“No joke, sir. We are just doing our jobs.” 

Akaashi snorts, “Next time, please do your jobs without scaring the owner of an apartment to death about what kinds of invisible pests might be living there.” 

Bokuto has already escaped to Akaashi’s 5F apartment so Akaashi grabs the suitcase filled with necessities for the week and stalks off, throwing one last glare over his shoulder. 

“I told you not to fucking overdo it,” Iwaizumi snaps. 

Oikawa waves off his concern, “It’s fine. Let’s get this place tapped off so that we can get out of here.” 

In the upstairs apartment, Akaashi is trying to calm down a distraught Bokuto. It takes fucking forever because of the assholes from the pest control company. Akaashi is glad to hear the van start up and drive away. 

Monday morning 9 am. 

The next part of the plan is infiltration to get into the heads of their subjects. 

Oikawa goes to the school as a substitute English teacher for a week. The teacher he’s subbing for won a round trip vacation to Hawaii for the week, guaranteeing an opening. 

How hard could teaching high schoolers be for a god? 

It’s a disaster. The students smell his newness and go in for the kill within the first 10 minutes of class. 

He escapes into the hallway and runs into the classroom next door (which just happens to be Akaashi’s classroom. 

“Help! They’ve taken over the projector and are showing random TikToks videos!” Oikawa shouts as he flings open the door. 

Akaashi, who does not have a class the period looks up, “What?” 

“The students,” Oikawa says, pointing next door, “they’ve taken over and I don’t know what to do.” 

Akaashi immediately stands up and makes his way into the other classroom. As soon as he walks through the door, the students go silent. 

Oikawa can’t help but be impressed by the power move. 

“I do not know what you think you are doing, students, but this is not representative of how our student body treats a guest teacher. If this nonsensical behavior continues, I will have no choice but to write up every single one of you.” 

Akaashi’s deadpan delivery strikes fear into even Oikawa’s heart and he’s not even a student here at the school. 

The rest of the morning is uneventful. 

Oikawa finds Akaashi sitting with Bokuto at lunch and decides to join them. 

“Hello,” he says, holding out his hand, “I’m Oikawa Tooru.” 

Bokuto gives his hand a nice firm shake, introducing both himself and Akaashi. 

“I’m Bokuto and this is my best friend, Akaashi.” 

“We’ve met,” Akaashi says, nodding his head in Oikawa’s direction, “did the rest of the morning go alright?” 

“Oh yes, the students seem to have passed on your threat to the other classes,” Oikawa replies, looking between Bokuto and Akaashi. “Are you two together?” he asks. 

Twin blushes spread across cheeks as the friends look away from each other. Oikawa wants to pound his head against the table. These two are so obvious. How can they just let their attraction sit like that? How can they not act? Just the slightest bit of magic-No. No magic. He promised Iwa-chan that they would do this the old-fashioned way. 

“Akaashi and I, together?” Bokuto stumbles over the words, not really answering the question. 

Akaashi sends Bokuto a glare, “No, we are not together. Just good friends.” 

“Best friends.” 

A smirk spreads on Oikawa’s face, “I married my best friend. We went years flirting around the possibility of something more. I regret that as wasted time we would have spent together, if we wouldn’t have been so stupid.” 

Akaashi looks him straight in the eye and that’s when Oikawa knows. It’s going to be Akaashi. 

“Yeah, well Akaashi and I are best buds,” Bokuto flings an arm around Akaashi’s shoulder ignoring the flinch at the unexpected touch. Not an unwanted flinch but rather, a flinch to move slightly away from the touch. Bokuto ignores it. 

“Ah yes,” Oikawa nods, “So Bokuto, what do you teach here?” 

Laughter erupts from Bokuto and there’s even a chuckle from Akaashi. 

“Teach? I don’t actually teach anything. I’m the volleyball coach and I run the weight room for the students.” 

And here was the next part of the plan falling into place perfectly. 

“Weight room? My husband is a personal trainer who wants to come work with some students athletes pro bono. Would it be possible to hook you up with him? Oikawa asks, word choice very intentional. 

Bokuto eyes widen at the words but he quickly shakes his head, “That would be awesome. We’ve got a class for the elite athletes in the afternoon and I know they would benefit from some personalized work out plans from a professional. Is that something he would be interested in doing?” 

“Of course, he builds the best plans. I think he is free now. Do you want me to call him to see if he can come today?” 

Bokuto nods eagerly, “That would be so great.” 

Oikawa quickly dials Iwa’s number. It rings twice and then Iwa-chan answers, “Hey babe.” 

“Hi sexy,” he says, again watching the best friends across from him blush. It’s just too easy. “I’ve got a coach here who would like to work with you this afternoon at the high school. Is that something you’d be interested in doing?” 

“So, you set the bait and now I have to go make Bokuto look super sexy in the weight room so that when you and Akaashi come by, there’s going to be painful pining that will hopefully pop the security bubble?” Iwaizumi drawls on his end of the line. 

Oikawa resists the urge to roll his eyes but /just/ barely, “Yeah mi amor, so you’ll do it?” 

“I’ll be there in 20 minutes.” 

Oikawa makes kissy noises into the phone even after Iwaizumi’s hung up. So romantic. 

“He’ll be here in about 20 minutes,” Oikawa tells Bokuto who jumps up. 

“I’ll go wait for him by the office. Oh shit, I almost forgot, what’s his name?” 

“Sex god.” 

Bokuto goes scarlet, “That’s not his actual name, is it?” 

“Bokuto,” Akaashi groans, rubbing a hand over his face. 

Oikawa just laughs, “Please call him that. It will make him feel so loved but seriously, his name is Iwaizumi Hajime and you’ll recognize his super spikey, slightly out of control hair.” 

“Iwaizumi. Got it.” 

And Bokuto’s gone. 

Akaashi is looking at him again and it feels like someone is staring into his soul. An eyebrow quirk turns Akaashi’s stare into a smile. 

“You know he’s going to accidentally call your husband ‘sex god’, right?” 

“It will bring me so much joy to be yelled at later. I just like keeping life interesting.” 

The bell brings an end to their lunch conversation and the two head back down to the English wing. 

At the end of the day, Oikawa asks Akaashi to show him the way to the weight room. Small talk about the day is exchanged on the uneventful walk down to the gym. It stops being uneventful when they walk in the door. 

Jaws drop. 

Bokuto is shirtless. 

Bokuto is doing pullups shirtless. 

Iwaizumi is shirtless. 

Iwaizumi is guiding Bokuto through the pullups, moving his body slightly to modify the position. 

“fucking hell.” 

Both Oikawa and Akaashi look at each other, having muttered the phrase at the same time. 

“That’s your husband?” Akaashi asks, pointing to Iwaizumi. 

“How are you not tapping that?” Oikawa asks back. 

Akaashi goes red, “We decided a long time ago to just be friends.” 

A nudge from Oikawa prompts him to continue. 

“I’ve liked him forever but what if being together ruins what we have? What if our friendship is ruined? What if I lose him? How were you brave enough to take that step with Iwaizumi?” 

This is a delicate talk so Oikawa guides Akaashi out of the weight room. There’s a bench right outside the gym that they settle on. 

“Akaashi, being afraid is normal in a relationship. I was terrified of confessing to Hajime. We had years of friendship behind us, but I eventually decided that I needed him to know, that I couldn’t lie anymore. My initial confession didn’t go well.” 

That’s because Oikawa had started by confessing, he was a god and human Iwaizumi hadn’t liked the idea of a god playing with his feelings. But Akaashi didn’t need to know that. 

“But I kept talking about how I felt about him until he believed my feelings were true. Then we kissed and it felt like a puzzle piece finally fit into the puzzle. And now we’re married. It’s not easy. It’s never easy. But I think it’s worth it. Love is always worth it.” 

Akaashi wrings his hands together, “I don’t know if I’m that brave, Oikawa.” 

“I think you are braver than you think you are. Plus, how can you not want to touch those tiddies??” 

A startled laugh leaves Akaashi, “They are quite impressive, aren’t they?” 

Oikawa holds out a hand and Akaashi accepts it. He’s pulled up from the bench and walk slowly back into the gym again. 

“Honestly, my Iwa-chan is built like a Roman god but Bokuto is a specimen. If you need to talk more or want advice about making a move, I’m here all week,” Oikawa whispers as they peek in the weight room door, watching the two men work out. 

“Oi, I thought you were here to help the students?” Oikawa shouts, alerting Bokuto and Iwaizumi to their presence. 

Iwaizumi shouts back, “Bokuto challenged me to a push up contest and it spiraled from there.” 

Oikawa laughs, hugging his sweaty husband, smacking a kiss against his lips. Akaashi looks on with a face that can just barely keep from slipping into jealousy. 

Tuesday morning 7:30 am. 

Oikawa has barely unlocked the door to the classroom when Akaashi is storming in. 

“I told Bokuto I liked him last night.” 

Oh. That was faster than Oikawa thought it would happen. 

“And?” He asks, eyebrow raised. 

“he said that he liked me too.” 

“Is there a problem with that?” Oikawa’s not seeing the problem. 

“He said, “I like you too. You’re my best friend.” 

Oh. Fucking hell, Bokuto. How dense can you be?

“Ah, I see the problem. He still sees you as a friend. Do you have something of his that you can wear tonight?” 

Akaashi pauses to think about it, “I have an old jersey with his name on it.” 

Oikawa grins, “Excellent. Now tonight, you are going to cook him dinner wearing that jersey.” 

“Will that do anything?” 

Oikawa shrugs, “It might help, it might not do anything but let’s try it.” 

Wednesday morning 7am 

Oikawa passes Akaashi a black coffee as he walks into the classroom. 

“How’d it go?” He asks as Akaashi accepts the coffee with a nod of thanks. 

A look of utter defeat crosses Akaashi’s face, “he cried.” 

“He cried?” 

Sighing, Akaashi nods, “The jersey reminded him of his volleyball days, and he started to cry because he’ll never get to play professionally again.” 

“Well, shit.” 

“My sentiments exactly. What can we try next?” 

“Akaashi, you need to be blunt. Like blunter than you’ve ever been in your life,” Oikawa says, writing some words on a paper and passing it to Akaashi. 

“I-I can’t say this to him,” the younger man stutters out. 

“You have to say it. Exactly as it’s written. Do you want to practice with me?” 

“Fuck no.” 

“I’ll check in tomorrow or you can call me tonight to celebrate or commiserate. Here’s my phone number. Goodluck, my friend.” 

Oikawa receives a text message later that night from an unknown number: No commiserating needed ☺ 

Akaashi and Bokuto call out sick on Thursday. 

On Friday morning, they walk into the school holding hands. Bokuto walks Akaashi to his classroom door, placing a quick kiss on his cheek before heading to morning practice. 

Oikawa is leaning against the doorframe of his classroom smiling, “Did the words work?” 

“Immediately,” Akaashi laughs, “telling someone that ‘they are the love of your life, fuck friendship and that you want them to fuck your brains out’ really does work. Once Bokuto started breathing again, he confessed too.” 

“And how was the ‘fuck your brains out’ part?” 

“oh, that hasn’t happened yet, but we spent all day cuddling and kissing yesterday and it really was amazing. Thank you, Oikawa, who knows how long this would have gone on if you hadn’t shared your own journey with me. I hope you’ll come back to sub again sometime,” Akaashi says, shaking Oikawa’s hand one last time. 

Oikawa smiles sadly, knowing that he won’t be back here. It’s time to move on to the next mission. 

“We shall see. I wish you both the best of luck, Akaashi,” he says, truly meaning it. 

He waits for Akaashi to go into this classroom and then walks out the front doors where Iwaizumi is waiting for him. 

“Did it work?” Iwaizumi asks, opening the door for his Oikawa. 

“Like a charm.” 

“Onto the next mission?” 

“Mmm, yes. A criminal and a cop. This one will be tricky.” 

Stay tuned for the DaiSuga thread dropping on February 10 th . Retweets, likes and replies are always appreciated. 


	4. Framed!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa (Cupid) and Iwaizumi (his loving husband) frame Daichi for a crime in order to bring him closer to Suga.

“Does it really make someone a criminal if Cupid has been setting them up to be arrested five times in the last week?” Iwaizumi asks from his perch on the table. 

Oikawa waves him off, “Technicalities.”

“No, not technicalities. It’s a criminal offense. He could go to jail for this.” 

Oikawa blast Iwaizumi with a withering look, “Sawamura Daichi might be the nicest person in this godforsaken town. No one is going to actually press charges against him.” 

Iwaizumi makes an unsure noise, “Have you seen the new DA? Sakusa doesn’t seem like someone who will drop a case just because the town’s beloved fix it man is on trial.” 

“Well, if we need to hire a lawyer for Daichi, we will. I’m sure Miya Atsumu would love a chance to argue another case against his estranged husband,” Oikawa mutters, “but they’re a problem for next week. This week is about Daichi and Suga. Childhood friends turned acquaintances, pulled apart by life. It’s like a Greek tragedy.” 

Iwaizumi laughs, “Babe, these two are not like a Greek tragedy because they’ve got you on their side. You’re Cupid, Stupid. You’ll find a way to get them together.” 

“Awww, mi amor, come here,” Oikawa asks, holding out his hand for his husband who grabs it and pulls him in for a sweet kiss. 

Iwaizumi wraps his arms around Oikawa’s waist, placing his chin on his husband’s shoulder and looks at the plan on the whiteboard. 

“That doesn’t seem super complicated.” 

Nodding, Oikawa agrees, “It’s not complicated because the timing has to be perfect. Suga needs to be the one to come arrest Daichi. If anyone else shows up, the plan falls through and we will probably need that lawyer for Daichi.”

“So, recap how you’ve gotten Daichi arrested this week?” 

Oikawa counts off on his fingers, “One-I put a candy bar in his pocket at the grocery store which made the alarms go off. Two-I cut the brakes on his car and made him crash (yes, iwa, I know that was dangerous. Three-I called him a tip about a serial jaywalker. Four-I called the health department on him, but the police didn’t actually show up, so it doesn’t count. And number five is going to happen right now.” 

They hear a car door slam outside and someone walks into the office. As gods, they simply make themselves invisible and stand to the side. Oikawa calls 911- “Hello Officer, I think my office is bring robbed. Can you please send Officer Sugawara?” 

There is enough persuasion in Oikawa’s tone that he knows magic is being used and gives his husband an unimpressed look. 

“I’m not using magic ON either of them. It’s just to make sure Suga is once again the one to come to the scene.” 

Daichi strolls into the building, ready for the meeting he’s scheduled to have with The Good Place manager who requested a bid to remodel the building. 

Letting out a low whistle at the state of the place, Daichi knows that this is going to be a big job and he’s going to need some more assistance to get everything done. 

He calls out, “Hello? Anyone here?” 

No answer. 

Daichi checks his watch. He’s definitely here at the right time but maybe the manager is running late. A car door slamming catches his attention and he turns to the front of the building only to see a police officer walking towards him with a gun pointed at his chest. 

“Daichi, what the hell are you doing here?” 

“Suga? Is that you?” 

Suga lowers the gun, “What are you doing?” 

Daichi holds up his bag with all of his notes, “I’m here for an appointment with the manager of the building. Why are you here?” 

“We got a call about a possible break-in. And now I find you in the middle of an office?” 

His voice goes up on the word office because it’s not quite the office building, he was expecting. All he sees are an empty desk and whiteboard. Weird. 

Daichi’s hand reaches up to run through his hair, “Suga, I swear I have an appointment. I’m not breaking in. I don’t know what is happening, but I feel like I’m the target of some sinister plot.” 

Iwaizumi gives Oikawa a smug look and Oikawa rolls his eyes in return. 

Suga laughs, “Well, I still have to take you to the station, but I think we can get this figured out.” 

Daichi sighs, “5 times in one week, Suga. I’ve been arrested 5 times in one week. What the hell did I ever do?” 

“Well, is there anyone you think might want to target you?” Suga asks pulling out his notebook. 

Daichi sighs, “It’s about the time of year where all the town grandmas start throwing their grandsons at me in hopes that I’ll settle down one day but other than that…” 

Suga knows the feeling. February is a hard time to be single. Especially when the one you want is standing in front of you being absolutely obtuse about the fact that you’ve loved him for years and just want him to look your way once. 

“Yeah, well, I don’t think the grandmas are targeting you this time. Can we please head to the station now? I’ll have Kuroo call the owner of the building to get this figured out,” Suga says, placing his hand on the small of Daichi’s delicious back in an effort to lead him out of the building. 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa watch them leave and wait for the phone call to Oikawa’s phone. 

“My goodness, they are kind of hopeless, aren’t they?” Iwaizumi says, watching them go. 

Oikawa runs a hand over his brow, “Can I please use just the teensiest bit of the Cupid Arrow with them? Just enough to open their eyes?” 

“Nope,” Iwaizumi replies, popping the ‘p’ sound, “no, Cupid Arrow.” 

“Why? Why do you like to make things so difficult for me?” Oikawa whines, collapsing against his husband’s side. 

Iwaizumi just laughs and kisses the top of his head, “Because it’s fun to watch you suffer.” 

“Brute.” 

“Do you need my help today?” 

Oikawa waves him off, “No, go start studying for the next plan. We need you to be a super convincing marriage counselor.” 

Giving Oikawa a kiss, Iwaizumi heads off to magically go get his degree in counseling. 

Oikawa walks out to the car they’ve rented and heads into town, knowing that he’s going to get a call from the police department any minute. 

Arriving at the police station, he ruffles his hair and clothes like he’s rushing in from something important. 

“Hey! Hey!” he calls out, walking up to the receptionist, “I demand to talk to the barbarian who tried to break into my office today.” 

The receptionist, a wide-eyed red head, startles, “Uh yeah, let me just go grab Officer Sugawara and he’ll answer all of your questions.” 

The red head runs off. 

So Iwa-chan said he couldn’t use the Cupid’s Arrow but he does have other magical tricks up his sleeve and he’s not above using them to get what he wants and what he wants is for Sawamura Daichi to get his head out of his a**. 

Officer Refreshing comes around the corner to greet him and take him back to the interrogation room where Daichi is waiting for them. 

“Can you give a us a few minutes alone?” Oikawa asks to Suga. 

Suga looks at Daichi who nods and leaves them alone. 

“Hello Daichi,” Oikawa purrs, sitting down across the table from his target. 

“How do you know my name?” Daichi responds. 

Ignoring the question, Oikawa continues, “Daichi, do you know that Officer Refreshing out there has been in love with you for years?” 

“Koushi? No, you’re wrong.” 

The denial is strong in this one. 

Oikawa holds out his hand, “Daichi, can I show you something?” 

“What? No!” 

But it’s too late, Oikawa’s fingers touch Daichi’s temple and a vision of the future runs through his head-two men in wedding tuxes, a silver haired man chasing a little girl around a backyard, him and Suga waking up next to each other in bed. 

Oikawa gives him just the briefest hints of what could happen. 

“What was that?” Daichi cries out, springing out of his chair. 

Oikawa smiles, saying, “I’m Cupid, and you’re really stupid. Ask out Officer Sugawara and I’ll drop all charges against you and I’ll the other ‘accidents’ this week scrubbed from your record.” 

Daichi looks at him warily, “You’ve been the one targeting me?” 

Waving off the question, Oikawa responds, “Will you do it?” 

At Daichi’s nod, Oikawa stands up and Officer Sugawara comes in, asking, “Everything okay in here?” 

Oikawa smiles but his eyes are narrowed at Daichi. 

“Yeah, Suga, we’re fine. Would you be interested in going to dinner with me tonight?” 

The timing is terrible, and he gets a 1 out of 10 on delivery but the question was posed. 

Suga looks between the two other men in the room and then at Daichi again, “Like a date?” 

Daichi gives him a real smile, “Yeah, Suga, like a date.” 

“I’d like that,” Suga returns. 

Oikawa’s work here is done. 

He stops by the front desk to tell the red head that all charges against Daichi need to be dropped. Once the legal business is over, Oikawa walks over to the courthouse and slides into the back of court room 3 where two lawyers are screaming at each other. Sakusa and Miya, estranged husbands who used to love each other, now resort to taunts and screaming matches in public areas. The judge is banging his gavel and demanding to see them in his private chambers. 

“Get ready, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa whispers to himself, “the husbands are coming your way.” 


	5. Failure to Communicate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi takes on his first official Cupid mission to get estranged husbands, Sakusa & Atsumu, to talk through their problems.

“I need your glasses.” 

Oikawa looks over at his husband who is wearing a delicious looking navy blue suit and tie combo. Thank the gods he stumbled across this human 2000 years ago because damn, he’s just got better with immortality. But his vision is perfect.

“Why do you need my glasses?” Oikawa asks, perching his fine ass on the edge of the table. 

This was Iwaizumi’s first big solo job and Oikawa knew he was nervous. It probably would have been easier to have him connect Daichi and Suga but Iwaizumi has chosen Sakusa and Miya. 

“I think that I will be more believable as a therapist if I am wearing glasses,” Iwaizumi says, holding his hand out for the fake glasses perched on Oikawa’s nose. 

Ever the dutiful husband, Oikawa motions Iwaizumi to come forward so he can slip them on his lover’s face. 

“There,” he says, “now you look like a real marriage counselor. Now walk me through the plan one more time.” 

Iwaizumi walks over to the white board, “Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi got married five years ago. It was a whirlwind romance, they were in love, everyone tried to convince them to wait, blah, blah, blah. Fast forward to June of last year, Atsumu decides to move out of their shared apartment and move in with his brother. Sakusa leaves the firm where he and Miya were associates to join the DA’s office, taking a significant pay cut. But the move would put him in constant contention with his husband who was a crimial defense attorney.”

Oikawa nods, “That might not have been the best move on Sakusa part.” 

“Mmm,” Iwaizumi agrees, “Their fights are legendary. One went viral on tiktok last year.” 

“So we are looking at a lovers to enemies situation. How are you going to handle it?” Oikawa asks, moving to wrap his arms around Iwa. 

Iwaizumi points to the paper sitting on the whiteboard-court ordered marriage counseling. 

“I am the marriage counselor that they have to meet with together and individually in order to get back into the courtroom. I have several activities that I am going to try to get them to talk open and honestly about their feelings,” Iwaizumi says. 

Oikawa laughs, “Mi amor, do you think it’ll be that easy?” 

Groaning out a laugh, Iwa says, “No, babe. I think they are going to make this a miserable week but we don’t have very much time left before Valentine’s Day so wish me luck.” 

Oikawa kisses his cheek, “You don’t need any luck because youre married to Cupid, stupid. Now go get the husbands back together and remember that I’m just a phone call away. 

  
  
  
  


The first session is a fucking disaster. 

The silence is deafening but the glares speak volumes. 

Iwaizumi, sitting in a chair, clipboard in hand, waits for one of the husbands to say something. He can feel the oncoming headache because these two are ridiculous. Getting ready to ask another question, he opens his mouth when suddenly Sakusa is speaking. 

“This is all your fault, Miya,” Sakusa seethes, words sneaking out through clenched teeth. 

Atsumu lets out a humorless laugh, “If ya can’t take the heat, get out of the courtroom, Sakusa.” 

“Haha so witty, Miya. Did they teach you that at your second-rate law school?” Sakusa snarls, hands clenching and unclenching on the armrests of the chair. Iwaizumi makes note of the subconscious movements, as if Sakusa is trying to stop himself from getting out of the chair. 

Miya smiles his nasty smile again, “Not all of us were born with a silver spoon in our mouth, Sakusa. Some of us actually had to work hard for what we earn.” 

“Jesus, is this about me making more money than you? In case you didn’t know because your pea-size brain can’t handle big numbers, you now make double what I make.”

“It’s not about the money,” Miya snaps. 

Iwaizumi decides to butt in at this point to try to diffuse the tense enironment. 

“I think that is all I need to see today. Would one of you be willing to stay after for our first one-on-one session?” 

“I can stay,” Miya states. 

Sakusa nods at Iwaizumi and then strides out of the room, not even looking at his husband.

Iwiazumi waits for the door to shut behind Sakusa before he continues, “If it’s not about the money then what is it about?”

Atsusmu sighs, “Geeze, Doc, ya sure get personal fast.” 

“I’m not about bullshitting you, Miya,” Iwaizumi retorts, “Now how about you open up and we solve this problem today?” 

“I don’t think it can be solved today, Doc. I never felt good enough for him. Sure, I love him but he’s got this whole life that I just don’t get. I try and try but apart from great sex, we don’t have that much in common which makes life hard at home, ya know?” 

Pursing his lips, Iwaizumi ponders over what to do next. Finally, he says, “Here’s what you do. I want you to plan a date for Thursday night. Make sure yours and Sakusa’s schedule are clear and i want you to plan something that you’ll both enjoy.”

Miya gives him an unimpressed look. 

“We’ll debrief it together on Friday during our next joint session.” 

Friday at 10 am 

The doors to the counseling office fly open as Sakusa stalks in...alone. He huffs over to the chair he previously sat in and stares at Iwaizumi who stares back. His appointment with them wasn’t supposed to start until 11 am so this was a bit of a surprise. 

“Good morning, Sakusa,” Iwaizumi offers as a greeting. 

Sakusa continues to glare, not exchanging any pleasantries. Iwaizumi suddenly has a feeling that the date didn’t go well. 

“You’re a bit early today, Sakusa. Can I help you with something?” 

“Atsumu is a fool.”

Well, apparently, they were just going to get right down to business then. 

“Oh? What happened?” Iwaizumi asks, coming around to sit in his char across from Sakusa, clipboard in hand. 

“He took me paintballing.” 

Oh good fuck. Iwaizumi is only able to school his features due to years and years of practice. 

“And I take it you’re not a fan of paintballing?” Iwaizumi asks the stupid question because he has to. 

Sakusa glares at him again, “Do I look like someone who enjoys traipsing through the woods, shooting paint pellets at someone?” 

“Well, no, but I don’t know you well enough to make that assumption. Hence the question. So why are you here, Sakusa?” 

His hands start folding and opening again as he says, “I love Atsumu. I’m a passionate person, I love deep and I love hard. He doesn’t love me like that.” 

Iwaizumi knows this is untrue but he motions for Sakusa to continue. 

Sighing and running a finger over his forehead, he says, “We don’t connect on that emotional level anymore. We don’t talk; I don’t know what he wants because when things get hard, he leaves. We were talking about the future when he up and decided to move back in with Osamu. It wasn’t a decision we made together, he just left.” 

Iwaizumi passes Sakusa a tissue. 

“So it sounds like we need to rebuild your couple intamacy-No, I’m not talking about sex. I talking about you actually listening to each other, not just hearing. It’s easy to hear but it’s hard to listen,” Iwaizumi says.

He hears the bell above the door chime and excuses himself, giving Sakusa a few minutes to compose himself. 

Tooru is standing there holding out a bento box, “Hi, mi amor, how’s it going?” 

Iwaizumi sighs, opening the box to look at the delicious lunch his husband packed, “They both want the same thing but aren’t willing to comprehend that the other might feel the same way. It’s a bit like talking to a brick wall.” 

Oikawa laughs, “That’s how I feel about you sometimes, Iwa-chan. It’s normal. You just have to make them listen.” 

“If only it were that easy,” Iwaizumi trails off, looking up at Oikawa with a strange look in his eyes. 

“No,” Oikawa retorts, “no magic. If I can’t use then you can’t either.” 

Iwaizumi notices Atsumu trudging up the sidewalk and gives Tooru a quick kiss goodbye. 

“That yer husband?” Atsumu asks, watching Tooru leave. 

“Mmm, yes, that’s my pain in the ass husband.” 

Atsumu narrows his eyes, “He’s a pain in the ass?” 

“Oh yes, but we’ve had years to practice communication and listening which is what we are going to try today. Now hurry up, Sakusa’s already here,” Iwaizumi says, ushering Atsumu into the office. 

“Fuck, he’s already here. Did he tell you about the shit date I planned?” Atsumu asks, looking down at his feet. 

Iwaizumi nods, “We talked about that and I have some activities planned to help with your communication problems.” 

Atsumu starts to sit down on the chair but Iwaizumi stops him, “You both need to go sit on the couch.” 

Twin glares are sent his way but the couple complies. 

“Now, I need you to hold hands.” 

“What?” Atsumu squaks. 

“Why?” Sakusa mutters. 

Iwaizumi is feeling his blood pressure rise. His two days of studying to be a counselor did not prepare him for this. 

“Shut the fuck up and do I as I say or get the fuck out.” 

Might not have been his most professional moment but he was a fake professional so who cares. It shuts up the bickering couple and they limply hold hands. It’s pathetic. 

“You both keep telling me about this great physical connection that you have but all I see is pathetic whiner.”

If he were a real counselor, he’d definitely get his license taken away for this. 

Again, there are glares but the hands tighten slightly. Ah, they’ve joined forces to combat him. Excellent.

“Atsumu, where do you see yourself 5 years from now?” Iwaizumi asks. 

Atsumu is staring at their connected hands, “I see myself opening my own firm where I represent minorities who cannot afford proper legal services. I’d like to run it as a non-profit.”

Sakusa’s head snaps up as he stares at his husband in shock. Iwaizumi grins, now they’re listening. 

“And Sakusa, where do you see yourself in 5 years?” Iwaizumi prods. 

Sakusa looks at Atsumu, who is carefully avoiding his gaze, “I want to run a non-profit.”

“So you’re telling me you want the same thing in the future?” Iwaizumi asks, waiting for the lightbulb moment to happen. 

“Yes,” they say together. 

“Have you talked about these plans as a couple?” Iwaizumi asks. 

“No, we just tend to talk about in the moment stuff,” Atsumu responds, rubbing his thumb over Sakusa’s hand. 

“Ah, so what else do you want in the futture, Sakusa?” 

“I want a dog. And eventually, a baby. A family. I want a family,” Sakusa whispers, not looking away from Atsumu’s face. 

Atsumu smiles softly, “I want a family with you too. And I want to learn how to have hard conversations. I think that’s something I need to figure out on my own. Iwaizumi, is that something you can help me with?” 

Iwaizumi shakes his head, “Unfortunately not but I can set you up with someone more specialized.” 

Atsumu nods, “Thank you.” 

Iwaizumi rubs his hands together, “Excellent, now I have one last exercise for us to do today. I want you to look into each other’s eyes for five minutes.” 

“Without blinking?” 

Iwiauzi laughs, “Of course you can blink but no talking. Not one word.”

He sets the timer and sits back to watch. Sakusa hasn’t stopped staring at Atsumu since they had the conversation about the future and Atsumu is now looking back. Sakusa’s hand comes up to cup Atsumu’s cheek. Leaning into Sakusa’s palm, Atsumu sighs contentedly. 

When Iwaizumi sees Sakusa start to pull Atsumu’s face towards his, he decides to step out to give them some privacy because they have obviously forgotten he is there. 

Iwaizumi leans against the front desk and sends Oikawa a text-

Iwa: And we have success! 

Babe: They’re back together? 

Iwa: Well, they are currently making out in my office so it’s at least a step in the right direction. 

Babe: Do you think they’ll stop at kissing?

Iwa: Fuck, Tooru, I don’t want to think about that.

Babe: We’re going to have to burn the couch. 

Iwa: Why are you like this?

Babe: I’m Cupid, Stupid. Now hurry up and come home. 

Iwaizumi knocks on the door, startling the couple apart. 

“Here,” he says, holding out a signed document, “you both can go back to work but you seriously need to find someone to meet with regularly because you both still have some things to work on. I’ve attached some of my recommendations.” 

“Thank you, Iwaizumi for your time,” Sakusa says, bowing slightly. 

“Yeah, thanks doc. Now I’m going to go get laid. Come on, husband,” Atsumu says, pulling his blushing husband out of the office. 

Iwaizumi can hear them bickering all the way down the block. 

He locks up the door and heads back to Tooru who is waiting for him on a bench outside of the warehouse they’ve been using as a home base. 

“Hi, mi amor,” Oikawa greets, lifting his lips for a kiss. 

Iwaizumi presses his lips against his husband’s for a long moment. 

“Hi.” 

“Iwa-chan seems happy tonight.” 

They’ve successfully brought four couples back together and shown them true love. It’s part of why iwaizumi loves being married to the god of love. 

“Love is in the air and it just makes me happy,” Iwaizumi smiles, wrapping an arm around Oikawa’s shoulder. 

Oikawa nestles his head into Iwaizumi’s neck, “Happy Valentine’s Day, mi amor. I love you!” 

“Happy Valentine’s, babe. I’ll love you forever.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome on our journey! This is cross posted on my twitter page @bcain171


End file.
